how to summon grief

you go to the store at the corner
and buy a 6-pack of beer
then you head back to your old house
the one on 6th Avenue
the one your older sister sold
when your mother passed away two months ago
the one that the new owner
is going to tear down to build a condo
you go to the back
to the wired netting at the north-west corner
where you know the mesh unhooks
just enough to let you in the yard
you then climb on top of the garage
then sneak in the house
through the 2nd floor balcony
and through the inner kitchen window
like you used to do as a kid
when you’d forgotten your keys
and spent all day playing in the streets
you leave the lights off
there’s electricity still
but you know your way in the dark
you head to your old room
and pop up that board under your bed
and you reach in the hole beneath
and take out that forgotten record
the only one she left behind
the one that skips a beat exactly at 5'25"
you then go up to the attic
and find your dad’s old turntable
all covered in cobwebs
you wipe them aside
and take it back down
you then sit on the ground
in the corridor
on the cold white tiles
you plug it in and you crack open a beer
and put the record on and you start listening
and you listen and drink
and you drink and listen
to that same song
the one that skips a beat exactly at 5'25"
and you draw with your index finger
in the dust that covers the floor
tiny letters and numbers
until your hand is wet from wiping your tears
and the dust is mud
and the letters are gone
that’s when she comes
in her wet white nightgown
feet wet
hair wet
water dripping from her shoulders
and she reaches for your hand
and you give it to her
her fingers cold as ice
her nails sharp as razors
and that’s it stranger
that’s all you need
to summon grief